Dude, where’s my credit rating?

Tory Fudwit

Tory Fudwit?

Smeg head?

Smeg head?

One moment you’re in a pizza restaurant in Davos with all your mates – BloJo is recounting lewd stories of semi-naked volleyball players glistening like wet ottters under the muggy London sun; Dave is telling the waiter that he is very clear about vaguely knowing that he wants – either the margarita or meat feast, although, maybe, he fancies the pasta. The next thing you know you’ve had too many Advocaats and have woken up in some sleazy five-star shack in downtown Geneva. You don’t know where you are. Your head is spinning and you wished you tried harder at whatever it was you did at uni. Because right now a letter has some how turned into a fucking number. That’s impossible, you tell yourself. That’s like arch-pant wetters the Lib Dems joining the Tory party in some kind… But wait, that did happen… and oh … shit … you kind of said a few things awhile back about how a particular letter would never turn into a particular number.

At least that’s what,  kinda, happened to Tory fudwit George Osborne. The professional towel-folder awoke to the news that Moody’s has downgraded the UK’s credit rating from AAA to AA1. AAA shiiittt. And now it’s becoming crushingly clear that a triple-dip is not a type of sandwich at Subway, but one of the shittier economic sticks that gets passed around.

No doubt the UK’s forums reacted in a measured way.

Britain will take years to earn back AAA rating, says Ken Clarke

By Rowena Mason, The Telegraph

Let’s get the pro-UKIP posts out the way.

robhoward

UKIP or DEATH for BRITAIN

countrollo

Sorry rgh, NOTHING will stem the oncoming flood, -kriste, it’s EU LAW, and we have NO say. Only UKIP will act on this nightmare.

memberofhepublic

This is true. Since in a democracy all governments bribe their way into power by offering the dumb-ass electorate free everything in exchange for votes, it is likely that we would now be worse off under a Labour government. Labour bribery historically has had the populist edge over Conservative bribery.

Yeah, democracy’s well shit, init.

From the crank file…

landulla

Ken Clarke is a boring old fart who wouldn’t know if his a*se was on fire. I watched him on Sky this morning and his lickspittle responses, presumably prompted by his desire to to hang onto a cabinet job at all costs, were downright embarrassing.

People like him are the problem for the Tories – self-indulgent Leftie PC trendoids with upper class accents – who have the intestinal fortitude of a pea. He is totally out of touch with the severity of Britain’s economic situation as experienced by the ordinary people of Britain and only is concerned with the continuity of regular contact between his ample rear-end and the velour of his taxpayer-funded chauffeured limousine.

“Intestinal fortitude of a pea” – frickin’ genius.

Slash taxes now or you’ll lose the Election, Osborne is warned: Rebel Tory hits out after AAA blow

By SIMON WALTERS, The Mail

Background: Article details Tory MP Adam Afriyie’s view that you’ve gotta slash to grow.

Mecheeta

Whats Andi Peters talking about now?

Basically, the joke is Mr Afriyle is black.

dumber123

The best thing to get any economy moving is to “SLASH TAXES” However,Here is BRITAINS PROBLEM……. You have a , MARXIST LABOUR, or COMMUNIST LIBERALS, then you will continue to be shackeld with politicians who REWARD SHIRKERS” and “PENALIZE WORKERS”

Communist liberal?

Another from the crank file

David

Sadly Cameron is a globalist and as such will never give us a referendum voluntarily. Its not just prospect of Britain floating which terrifies globalists, its the possibility that we might form something better with our friends. We are told that we need to be part of a union in order to survive. Well there are countries out there with whom we share culture, history and blood. Imagine how strong a true union of Britain, Australia, Canada, and New Zealand would be; who knows maybe Scandinavia and the Netherlands would join as well. We do not need to be part of the undemocratic EU in order to build something wonderful!

Such a move would seriously wound the EU and put us smack bang in the middle of the three largest trading blocks. We have never been truly happy since our leaders abandoned our brothers in favour of the EU; we need to reestablish our historical bonds before they vanish forever.

Ye Gods!

George Osborne under pressure as Britain loses AAA rating for first time

By Jill Treanor and Rajeev Syal, The Guardian

jaylar

Never mind Osborne we can ring payday loans, they can HELP even if we have bad credit…right?

Gets…

lxy001

@jaylar – that is basically Balls and Labour economic plan.

Chortle

Ordinaryblokesays

[Couple of paragraphs of obligatory Osborne bashing before…]

If Osbourne was a racehorse he’d be in a beef lasagne by now.

MrGits

To the tune of Flash by Queen.

Credit rating blow to cost taxpayers £100bn: Humiliating downgrade may hit gilts and sterling
Holy Crap Flash Gidiot, we only have twenty four hours to save this small part of the planet from your incompetence!
Flash a-ah, Savior of the Bullingdon
Flash a-ah
He’ll screw every one of us

Flash a-ah
King of the incompetent.

Brilliant

GUARDIAN DEATH THREAT WATCH

For all the savage anger of the right-wing rags, The Guardian leads the way in death threats.

Sparro

Time to drink hemlock, osborne.
Legend has it that in hell all the towels have an annoying wrinkle that is impossible to smooth out. But you will have plenty of time to practise…….we hope you enjoy your stay.

AlexCook

Not been the greatest starts to a year for a Chancellor has it? He can’t have won the wishbone at Christmas.

Gets…

dshanah

@AlexCook – Indeed. He could have at least choked on it.

alciabides

It would be good to see Osborne shredded both personally and politically – lol

Unbelievably, some of those posts were recommended.

Bilbobaillie

If he printed AA on his forehead he would look like the hologram from red dwarf

The economy’s smegged.

Thickstp

@lillycoll – I just love the satirical comments, its almost as if you believe the bull that you post.Thanks. Is all very entertaining.Do tell, is Ed Balls like some South Korean communist dictator?

Yes, that notorious bastion of Bolsheviks, neighboured by the capitalist running dogs of North Korea.

nacom

Labour has broken this country, stripping the very fabric of our society to almost third world levels.

mary jackson

@nacom – Tories have broken this county, stripping the very fabic of our society to almost third world levels, Fixed that for you, No need to thank me,

That super-veg nori wrap I ate at Pret was clearly the product of a third-world country.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Oscar special.


The Week’s Best Posts: 4/02/2013 – 10/02/2013

Warrior Queen?

Warrior Queen?

Sometimes there are nuggets of troll-like gold amid sensible, reasonable commentary.

They don’t quite justify their own post, but boy, you want to use them.

With that in mind, we’ve eaten our fibre to compile some of the past week’s best posts that didn’t quite make through the knotty bowels of Comment is Freed.

Lunatic debate rages over The Falkland Islands, there is military ranking armpits and even a pill that can cure divorce.

Read on, o’ lonely troll.

‘No such thing as Falkland islanders’, says Argentine foreign minister

By , The Telegraph

This story, and the one immediately below, relate to Argentinian foreign minister Hector Timerman’s recent visit to the UK. During this visit, he claimed there is ‘no such thing as a Falkland islander’. Needless to say, the forums were ablaze with indignation.

Except this poster:

Stoneyjack

Do not, repeat, do not incite the ire of winsome warrior queen Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner [Argentine president]. She is bold, brilliant, beautiful…and belligerent. You have been warned.

Haha … what?

However, the majority did not seemed too cowed by the warrior queen:

RHeaton57 

Time to boycott Argie goods everybody.

beatriz

Look out of the country of origin especially in fruit.

therealpm

Do they actually make anything?

patrickbateman

Corn Beef. And Lloyd Webber wrote a lovely musical about one of their Dictators wives.

Okay, the musical was awful. If I chuck the record away can I keep the corn beef?

No.

skicarver

if I were a falkland islander, i’d be buying guns and ammo by the truck load.

And some corned beef.

swagger

As much as I love this Sceptred Isle and the plight of the Falklanders concerns me, I know I’m not alone among the DT’s male commentators in wondering what de Kirchner’s like in the sack. Probably ain’t a bad shag, as it happens.

Straight from the Alan Partridge playbook of pulling.

UK ‘disappointed’ as Argentina turns down talks over Falklands

by Julian Borger and agencies, The Guardian

SIRBOBPAISLEY

The Malvinas belong to the democratically elected sovereign state of Argentina – end of story. The ‘aliens’ who are currently decamped on the island should be forcibly repatriated to the UK if they wish to continue living under British rule. To deprive Argentina of their rightful claims to Sovereignty over the Malvinas is an insult to natural justice.

‘Forcibly repatriated’ used in a most un-Guardian like manner.

LivAalborg

The globalist Nazis pulling the strings in Holyrood are the same as the puppet masters in Argentina.

‘Globalist’ gives that extra twist of lizard people.

loutraki

[In response to an Argentinian poster supporting the islanders’ right to self-determination…]

@Nicolas2013 – Nice comment which proves my point: ordinary Argentinians are good people.

Really? They’re not all massive shits? No…

starfield 

There’s a hell of a lot of Thatcherites on this thread! Geographically, if it should be a part of any country, it is Argentina, no question about it. It’s not the right of Falklanders as they are the colonialists who are able to live there because the UK lays claim to the islands. That goes entirely against reason. I would give them back to Argentina in the blink of an eye.
Just because a country occupies land, it doesn’t make it justified that they should rule it. If you think it does, you inadvertantly support Adolf Hitler.
I fully welcome any arguments against this.

Bring it, you de-facto Nazis!

What follows are several comments questioning the historical accuracy of Starfield’s post, before…

starfield

@tokaido – Listen, I take back what I said as you’re right with saying that it didn’t actually belong to Argentina. My apologies to everyone for thinking something that was not correct.
And I’m being serious here. I admit my mistake.

Ouch! Burnt by Wikipedia.

It isn’t those who oppose gay marriage who are the bigots – it is the liberals who demonise them

BY Stephen Glover, The Mail

This week MP’s voted to bring gay marriage into law. Some people, sadly, were not cool with that:

JonnyJV, Surrey

If Tony Blair’s great SIN is the Iraq war. Then David Cameron has committed a greater SIN by force feeding this to the British public. He will never be forgiven.

Gay marriage is clearly worse than leading your country to war on back-of-a-fag-packet intelligence for one poster.

nonpc, UK

Sometimes, a nation goes so far off the moral track that it takes an Augusto Pinochet to get it back on the rails again. Now, I am not condoning some kind of militaristic retaliation. What I am saying is we need a LEADER!!! And the tepid, assinine and moribund bunch of useless politicians who think they know better, currently in Parliament, need their BACKSIDES kicking!!

Maybe nonpc has forgotten that 2279 people lost their lives under Pinochet and a further 31,947 were tortured.

Anon_Wales, Wales, United Kingdom

Liberalism and socialism – the two death knells for Britain today. The plan for the utter destruction of our country is almost complete.

The EU lizard people, in co-operation with the masonic Hungarian-afro-carribean arm of the BBC, have almost achieved their sinister end-game! Nurse, the meds!!

My chemical romance: can medicine cure divorce?

by Will Store, The Guardian

Socratesisinnocent

As ever, the reductionists miss the point, not only of the subject, but of life itself.

We humans experience life, and so to have meaning it has to be life as it is, not life as drugs can make us think and feel it is; that’s an evasion. You might as well hire a hypnotist.
Most people have seen the Matrix. Most people would, I think, choose the red pill. We instinctively understand that although reality can feel at times feel meaningless, it is the only place we may one day experience meaning.

Ah, reduct yourself.

Aside from pseudo-intellectual gobbledegook, there was raw emotion in some of the comments…

Jackanapes 

Can medicine cure divorce? I dunno. Can it cure the rage, grief, shattering disappointment, bitterness and disillusionment caused by infidelity?

Insidian

Can medicine cure divorce?
Only if they’ve discovered an antidote to Cheating Bitch.
(Perhaps the mods will know…? xxx)

You can practically feel the hatred seeping through the monitor.

Can Googling be racist? A Harvard study has found racial bias in Google searches. Yet it’s not the search engine but our own prejudice that’s to blame

by Arwa Mahdawi, The Guardian

mojogoat

Descartes didn’t quite say “Bullshitto ergo sum” either. I’m not on Google, yet I seem to exist all the same.

I call bullshitto.

neithereither

In a reversal of the common prefix ‘Im not racist but…’ This year I shall start to begin my sentences with the phrase ‘I am racist and….’

… a total tool.’

sprockethawk

This comment was removed by a moderator because it didn’t abide by our community standards. Replies may also be deleted. For more detail see our FAQs.

Whatever the above post was, it must have been a sweet comment to get the following response…

@sprockethawk –
My armpit tells me that you are a colonel.

Haha. And my groin tells me you’re the duke.

Family Inc.
Saturday Essay: Run your family like a business

By BRUCE FEILER, The Wall Street Journal

Jerry Stevens Wrote:

The great thing about running your family like a business is that when money is tight, you can just lay off a couple of kids.

Yuppy’s Choice?


Can David Cameron cling on until 2020?

Well, at least I'm not Iain Duncan SmithToday the UK woke up to news David Cameron plans to stay on as the British prime minister until 2020.

Can ‘call me Dave’ Dave ride another Murdoch nag until squeezing out his ‘enormous agenda’? Will George Osbourne call time on the tax-haven that is 4-for-1 sausage rolls down Greggs? And is Nick Clegg now lonelier than a Christmas jumper in the January sale?

More impotently than all that, what is the measured reaction in the comment sections of our leading rags?

‘I will be the one, and the Conservatives will be the party, offering genuine change… Do you want to hand the keys back to the people who crashed the car?’
— Matthew d’Ancona, The Telegraph | Full article

tokyonagaremono

Deluded fat-faced chuntering twit.

Choose UKIP. Ditch the EU, end immigration, you know it makes sense.

Not a fan, then?

robbinghood Today 06:03 AM

… Just like that other belly crawling reptile, Blair, he’ll be calling in the favours from the banks and the foreign politicos…

[Post continues in this manner until…]

You’re so oily, D’Ancona, one can almost feel the grease coming up through the keyboard. And that’s a major part of he problem. Dozy Dave Cameron spends far too much time listening to heads-up-their-arse sycophants like you.

Bit personal.

bigalan1 Today 03:53 AM

Sorry I think there is a miss print should it say 2015, but I don’t know if he will even make it ? unless he change’s, (1 Leave the EU (2 Stop giving aid to countries that are using the money for their space programme ,and for also buying new cars , and putting the money into there own pockets, (3 stop the immigrants coming in (4 Over turn all the rule’s and regulations that have been imposed on us by the EU (5 get rid of the backing for gay marriage (6 kick out of this country those immigrants that should not be here (7 get rid of Glegg, what a waste if time that man his, does he engage his brain before opening his mouth ? (8 don’t do a Thatcher ( this women is not for turning ) if it aint working, like the EU CHANGE IT.

Who’s Glegg?

JustAboutSurviving Today 04:44 AM

Its YOU that’s crashing the car Dave.

David Cameron wants to be in Downing Street until 2020 to push through ‘enormous reform agenda’
— James Rush, The Mail | Full article

Fran

Cameron is worse than Tony Blair “he who speaks with two tongues”! If this egoist and his side kick Clegg gets in again we are all doomed! I would rather take my chances in the Congo!!

You really wouldn’t.

voiceofthepeople

Never trust a man , with thin lips , my grannie used to say, How true nan . Rip

Have you checked for the number of the beast?

Do you want Cameron to remain PM until 2020?
— CIF, The Guardian | Full article

timthemonkey 06 January 2013 12:03 PM

No, and given his performance I have no reason to believe he will be. Calling him a heartless, incompetent clownshoe is an insult to humourous footwear

Huh?

Forthestate 06 January 2013 11:15 AM

David Cameron says he wants to serve as prime minister for at least another seven years, overseeing radical reforms

He’d better watch himself. Expressing a desire like that can very easily get you branded a dictator by newspapers like the Guardian.

HeilCameron 06 January 2013 11:31 AM

That’s exactly what he is. A little dictator. If truth be known he probably wants a thousand year Reich.

David Cameron Wants To Stay As PM Until 2020, But Poll Says He’ll Be Out In 2015
— Ned Simons, Huffington Post Full article

lovewizard44

Hell is changing it’s location it will be right here in the u.k if conservatives stay in power so make sure we vote them out at the next election!

I didn’t know satan was from Berkshire.