Dude, where’s my credit rating?

Tory Fudwit

Tory Fudwit?

Smeg head?

Smeg head?

One moment you’re in a pizza restaurant in Davos with all your mates – BloJo is recounting lewd stories of semi-naked volleyball players glistening like wet ottters under the muggy London sun; Dave is telling the waiter that he is very clear about vaguely knowing that he wants – either the margarita or meat feast, although, maybe, he fancies the pasta. The next thing you know you’ve had too many Advocaats and have woken up in some sleazy five-star shack in downtown Geneva. You don’t know where you are. Your head is spinning and you wished you tried harder at whatever it was you did at uni. Because right now a letter has some how turned into a fucking number. That’s impossible, you tell yourself. That’s like arch-pant wetters the Lib Dems joining the Tory party in some kind… But wait, that did happen… and oh … shit … you kind of said a few things awhile back about how a particular letter would never turn into a particular number.

At least that’s what,  kinda, happened to Tory fudwit George Osborne. The professional towel-folder awoke to the news that Moody’s has downgraded the UK’s credit rating from AAA to AA1. AAA shiiittt. And now it’s becoming crushingly clear that a triple-dip is not a type of sandwich at Subway, but one of the shittier economic sticks that gets passed around.

No doubt the UK’s forums reacted in a measured way.

Britain will take years to earn back AAA rating, says Ken Clarke

By Rowena Mason, The Telegraph

Let’s get the pro-UKIP posts out the way.

robhoward

UKIP or DEATH for BRITAIN

countrollo

Sorry rgh, NOTHING will stem the oncoming flood, -kriste, it’s EU LAW, and we have NO say. Only UKIP will act on this nightmare.

memberofhepublic

This is true. Since in a democracy all governments bribe their way into power by offering the dumb-ass electorate free everything in exchange for votes, it is likely that we would now be worse off under a Labour government. Labour bribery historically has had the populist edge over Conservative bribery.

Yeah, democracy’s well shit, init.

From the crank file…

landulla

Ken Clarke is a boring old fart who wouldn’t know if his a*se was on fire. I watched him on Sky this morning and his lickspittle responses, presumably prompted by his desire to to hang onto a cabinet job at all costs, were downright embarrassing.

People like him are the problem for the Tories – self-indulgent Leftie PC trendoids with upper class accents – who have the intestinal fortitude of a pea. He is totally out of touch with the severity of Britain’s economic situation as experienced by the ordinary people of Britain and only is concerned with the continuity of regular contact between his ample rear-end and the velour of his taxpayer-funded chauffeured limousine.

“Intestinal fortitude of a pea” – frickin’ genius.

Slash taxes now or you’ll lose the Election, Osborne is warned: Rebel Tory hits out after AAA blow

By SIMON WALTERS, The Mail

Background: Article details Tory MP Adam Afriyie’s view that you’ve gotta slash to grow.

Mecheeta

Whats Andi Peters talking about now?

Basically, the joke is Mr Afriyle is black.

dumber123

The best thing to get any economy moving is to “SLASH TAXES” However,Here is BRITAINS PROBLEM……. You have a , MARXIST LABOUR, or COMMUNIST LIBERALS, then you will continue to be shackeld with politicians who REWARD SHIRKERS” and “PENALIZE WORKERS”

Communist liberal?

Another from the crank file

David

Sadly Cameron is a globalist and as such will never give us a referendum voluntarily. Its not just prospect of Britain floating which terrifies globalists, its the possibility that we might form something better with our friends. We are told that we need to be part of a union in order to survive. Well there are countries out there with whom we share culture, history and blood. Imagine how strong a true union of Britain, Australia, Canada, and New Zealand would be; who knows maybe Scandinavia and the Netherlands would join as well. We do not need to be part of the undemocratic EU in order to build something wonderful!

Such a move would seriously wound the EU and put us smack bang in the middle of the three largest trading blocks. We have never been truly happy since our leaders abandoned our brothers in favour of the EU; we need to reestablish our historical bonds before they vanish forever.

Ye Gods!

George Osborne under pressure as Britain loses AAA rating for first time

By Jill Treanor and Rajeev Syal, The Guardian

jaylar

Never mind Osborne we can ring payday loans, they can HELP even if we have bad credit…right?

Gets…

lxy001

@jaylar – that is basically Balls and Labour economic plan.

Chortle

Ordinaryblokesays

[Couple of paragraphs of obligatory Osborne bashing before…]

If Osbourne was a racehorse he’d be in a beef lasagne by now.

MrGits

To the tune of Flash by Queen.

Credit rating blow to cost taxpayers £100bn: Humiliating downgrade may hit gilts and sterling
Holy Crap Flash Gidiot, we only have twenty four hours to save this small part of the planet from your incompetence!
Flash a-ah, Savior of the Bullingdon
Flash a-ah
He’ll screw every one of us

Flash a-ah
King of the incompetent.

Brilliant

GUARDIAN DEATH THREAT WATCH

For all the savage anger of the right-wing rags, The Guardian leads the way in death threats.

Sparro

Time to drink hemlock, osborne.
Legend has it that in hell all the towels have an annoying wrinkle that is impossible to smooth out. But you will have plenty of time to practise…….we hope you enjoy your stay.

AlexCook

Not been the greatest starts to a year for a Chancellor has it? He can’t have won the wishbone at Christmas.

Gets…

dshanah

@AlexCook – Indeed. He could have at least choked on it.

alciabides

It would be good to see Osborne shredded both personally and politically – lol

Unbelievably, some of those posts were recommended.

Bilbobaillie

If he printed AA on his forehead he would look like the hologram from red dwarf

The economy’s smegged.

Thickstp

@lillycoll – I just love the satirical comments, its almost as if you believe the bull that you post.Thanks. Is all very entertaining.Do tell, is Ed Balls like some South Korean communist dictator?

Yes, that notorious bastion of Bolsheviks, neighboured by the capitalist running dogs of North Korea.

nacom

Labour has broken this country, stripping the very fabric of our society to almost third world levels.

mary jackson

@nacom – Tories have broken this county, stripping the very fabic of our society to almost third world levels, Fixed that for you, No need to thank me,

That super-veg nori wrap I ate at Pret was clearly the product of a third-world country.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Oscar special.


Can David Cameron cling on until 2020?

Well, at least I'm not Iain Duncan SmithToday the UK woke up to news David Cameron plans to stay on as the British prime minister until 2020.

Can ‘call me Dave’ Dave ride another Murdoch nag until squeezing out his ‘enormous agenda’? Will George Osbourne call time on the tax-haven that is 4-for-1 sausage rolls down Greggs? And is Nick Clegg now lonelier than a Christmas jumper in the January sale?

More impotently than all that, what is the measured reaction in the comment sections of our leading rags?

‘I will be the one, and the Conservatives will be the party, offering genuine change… Do you want to hand the keys back to the people who crashed the car?’
— Matthew d’Ancona, The Telegraph | Full article

tokyonagaremono

Deluded fat-faced chuntering twit.

Choose UKIP. Ditch the EU, end immigration, you know it makes sense.

Not a fan, then?

robbinghood Today 06:03 AM

… Just like that other belly crawling reptile, Blair, he’ll be calling in the favours from the banks and the foreign politicos…

[Post continues in this manner until…]

You’re so oily, D’Ancona, one can almost feel the grease coming up through the keyboard. And that’s a major part of he problem. Dozy Dave Cameron spends far too much time listening to heads-up-their-arse sycophants like you.

Bit personal.

bigalan1 Today 03:53 AM

Sorry I think there is a miss print should it say 2015, but I don’t know if he will even make it ? unless he change’s, (1 Leave the EU (2 Stop giving aid to countries that are using the money for their space programme ,and for also buying new cars , and putting the money into there own pockets, (3 stop the immigrants coming in (4 Over turn all the rule’s and regulations that have been imposed on us by the EU (5 get rid of the backing for gay marriage (6 kick out of this country those immigrants that should not be here (7 get rid of Glegg, what a waste if time that man his, does he engage his brain before opening his mouth ? (8 don’t do a Thatcher ( this women is not for turning ) if it aint working, like the EU CHANGE IT.

Who’s Glegg?

JustAboutSurviving Today 04:44 AM

Its YOU that’s crashing the car Dave.

David Cameron wants to be in Downing Street until 2020 to push through ‘enormous reform agenda’
— James Rush, The Mail | Full article

Fran

Cameron is worse than Tony Blair “he who speaks with two tongues”! If this egoist and his side kick Clegg gets in again we are all doomed! I would rather take my chances in the Congo!!

You really wouldn’t.

voiceofthepeople

Never trust a man , with thin lips , my grannie used to say, How true nan . Rip

Have you checked for the number of the beast?

Do you want Cameron to remain PM until 2020?
— CIF, The Guardian | Full article

timthemonkey 06 January 2013 12:03 PM

No, and given his performance I have no reason to believe he will be. Calling him a heartless, incompetent clownshoe is an insult to humourous footwear

Huh?

Forthestate 06 January 2013 11:15 AM

David Cameron says he wants to serve as prime minister for at least another seven years, overseeing radical reforms

He’d better watch himself. Expressing a desire like that can very easily get you branded a dictator by newspapers like the Guardian.

HeilCameron 06 January 2013 11:31 AM

That’s exactly what he is. A little dictator. If truth be known he probably wants a thousand year Reich.

David Cameron Wants To Stay As PM Until 2020, But Poll Says He’ll Be Out In 2015
— Ned Simons, Huffington Post Full article

lovewizard44

Hell is changing it’s location it will be right here in the u.k if conservatives stay in power so make sure we vote them out at the next election!

I didn’t know satan was from Berkshire.