Australian cricketers dropped for not doing their homework

Under the Southern Dross - Captain of the Saggy Green (left), disgruntled caveman (right)

Under the Southern Dross – Captain of the Saggy Green (left), disgruntled caveman (right)

Four Australian cricketers have been dropped for the third test match of their tour of India after failing to satisfy demands from management that each player make a ‘presentation’ outlining some areas for improvement. Following a three-and-a-half-day spanking in the second test, coach Mickey Arthur and captain Michael Clarke ordered all 18 squad players to go away, think about what they’d done, and come back four days later with a written or spoken presentation explaining three areas in which they could improve technically, mentally and as a team. Basically, do their job for them.

This was challenging enough considering the players had to deal with the handicap not only of being professional sportsmen, but also terminally Australian. Hilariously, two of them forgot to do it, one of them left it at home and is waiting for his mum to drop it off, and the other one was just so f***ing angry about the whole thing that he couldn’t stop shaking long enough to scribble anything legible.

Even better is the subtext – over the last five or six years, there’s been a noticeable tension amongst wearers of Straya’s increasingly Saggy Green between the grizzled, salt-of-the-earth, beer-swilling, blond highlights types and the fey, metrosexual, opposable-digit-wielding, Bacardi Breezer-sipping, blond highlights types. However, now, for the first time, it’s solely members of the latter camp turning on their own immaculately moist and preened alpha male leader. Even the most blinkered Aussie apologist would have to admit: not a single element of this story would have occurred under Ponting, Waugh or anyone else.

Wot’s thet mayte? ‘Shaadenfroyda?’ Wasn’t he thet bloke who wanted to shig his own mum?

Shane Watson could turn back on Australia after being dropped over ‘homework’ row

Shane Watson has left Australia’s tour of India and is considering his future after he was among four players dropped for the third Test for failing to do their ‘homework’.

By Telegraph Sport, The Telegraph

cricketnut, 4 hours ago

I’m disappointed for the game.

In football you see overpaid pre Madonnas

Whoa there…

pre Madonnas

No, it can’t be… nobody can be this… you must be an Australian sportsman… no.

The rest of the comment is a bit of a head-scratcher too:

behaving like spoilt children and as such their managers spend a lot of time reining in (or attempting to) their petulance. But these guys haven’t been out partying, showing off in Ferrari’s, taking in recreational drugs, humping prostitutes etc; they neglected to fill in a corporate style middle-management questionnaire.

I’m all up for self- analysis and group free speech to enhance the greater good, but this has been handled poorly. Some of these blokes would have run through a brick wall for you in the past, now they’ll just turn around and say thanks but no thanks…

karadekoolaid, 5 minutes ago

I get the feeling Arthur has just bowled himself out.

Fnarr!! Oh yes, how satirically witty… hang on, this makes no sense at all. This person has clearly spent time trying to get his cricketing metaphor just right and has failed spectacularly. You can’t bowl yourself out – you can run yourself out.

willoughbyman, 23 minutes ago

This incident might help deflate the Aussies’ arrogance. Australians generally, as exemplified by their cricketers, are the most arrogant and self-important people on the planet. These attributes stem from their underlying awareness of their irredeemable mediocrity.

‘I say, James – what’s the term for someone behaving like a superior, self-important arsehole?’

‘I believe, Sir, the word you are looking for is “supercilious”‘

‘So it is James, good show’

61vintage, 28 minutes ago

England should get rid of Broad, its all his fault.

Agreed.

61vintage, 2 hours ago

I blame Stuart Broad.

Yup, me too. Hang on, you’re the same person!

crackerjace, 4 hours ago

[snip]

LIstening to great coaches of all sports through my life a common  theme is how they talk about bringing the best out of players through different means.
Player A might be to listen to whale music. player B might try and come up with a more egotistical nickname than “the big show”. etc etc
Certain standards need to be across the board of course, but a bloody essay as a knee jerk reaction????? go to the pub have a laugh, get that tension out..next day train with a focus  of Steve Waugh giving up the Hook.

As an Australian i feel we have cloned Phil Tufnells fielding and turned it into some form of inteligence that runs and plays for Cricket Australia.

Ps. i reckon alot of day 4/5 tickets will be popping up on E-bay.

Whale music? Steve Waugh and Peter Pan? Test tickets in India being bought and sold on ebay??!! This makes no sense, no sense at all.

Philip Michael Hunt, 4 hours ago

Maybe he should have given them a multiple choice test.

Not a funny comment, but not sure if username is a joke… must be a joke.

Ashes must not distract England

hastily changed to

Calling England ‘undercooked’ lets mental issues off the hook

Serious questions being asked why England are getting into a pickle at start of a series

Mike Selvey, The Guardina

TheGribbler, 11 March 2013 10:57am

[snip]

If England lose this Ashes I will, as one team mate once declared after yet another duck, ‘give up cricket and take up wanking’

Pssst – the two are not mutually exclusive. Especially when the cricket doesn’t start until 9.30 pm.

ilpupone, 11 March 2013 11:03am

Reasons for dropping test cricketers:
1. Texting a South African
2. Not texting a South African

Probably nicked off twitter, but jolly good.

MouthoftheMersey, 11 March 2013 11:07am

Mitchell did write the note as required, but when it came to pushing it under Mickey Arthur’s door, he missed. Shane Watson’s pencil broke. Pattinson’s was too short and Khawaja’s looked good for a while, but was forgotten.

Surprised Ed Cowan’s isn’t available as an e-book.

Teehee.

RandallsCartwheel, 11 March 2013 9:24pm

“Hello I’m Mickey Arthur, and this is my foot.”

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

“That’ll teach ’em.”

Glorious Fool. That John Martyn, he knew a thing or too about a good title.

BLAM!

CommentKing, 12 March 2013 2:09pm

Since when have cricket tours become some kind of middle management wet dream. Wellness reports? What next? Maybe an MBA by correspondence or an executive summary on how to be a sissy. There was a time when a wellness report on an Indian tour was nothing more than a quick Immodium stocktake.

Beautiful. Aussies – how does it feel?

 

Editor’s note: I feel I must add, in the interests of balance, when GISing for ‘michael clarke metrosexual’, I was presented with this horrifying image:

cook naked

Why are their bottom halves so hairy and their top halves so not?! It looks like they’ve been dipped head-first into a vat of Nair.