Dear God, I quit. Yours, The Pope.

imagesYou may have seen that Pope Benedict, AKA God’s Rottweiler, has resigned.

I’m going to let the comments do most of the talking on this one.

Pope Benedict in shock resignation: Pontiff, 85, is first in 600 years to stand down because he ‘no longer has the strength to carry on’

By SIMON TOMLINSON and RICHARD HARTLEY-PARKINSON, The Mail

The following two posts crystallise the split in opinion:

georgieleeds, Leeds, 11/2/2013 15:21

PLEASE SHOW SOME RESPECT !!!! The comments I just read are really disturbing and show complete lack of respect towards millions of persons that deeply believe and love the catholic religion. Fine that you are not Catholic but at least show respect as a human being.

peace2012

……Like the respect the Catholic Church as shown the thousands of abuse victims that have suffered at their hands over the years? RESPECT IS EARNED!!!

There was also some thinly-veiled racism:

PeterSterling

The first black Pope? Are they going to have affirmative action too?

It’s not every day one looks to fanatics’ corner for some light relief…

P e r c i v a l, Kingdom of God

It is widely believed that the last pope of the Catholic Church will succeed Pope Benedict XVI. St. Malachy Irish Bishop and Seer, produced an accurate list of future popes which began with Pope Celestine II in the year 1143. His list consists of a single line which gives a clue to the characteristics of each pope. From this list of 112 popes there is to be just one more after Pope Benedict XVI. His predictions regarding the popes have been for the most part pretty accurate regarding the identifying characteristics that each line reveals.

Richie, port talbot

Popes never resign. I believe he’s making way for the false prophet.

I wonder if the lizard people found writing down their prophecies hard? You know, what with having claws for hands.

sebastienwolf, paris

Let’s pray for a truly Catholic pope. One who condemns the heresies of protestantism, talmudic judaism, islam, buddhism, hinduism and all the rest.

Back to the hatred.

janegreg, bristol

Whatever your religious views, it beggars belief that this story – the first resignation of a pope in 600 years is beneath stories such as Frankie Sandford’s ‘I can’t cope’ and research into dogs.

Some insight on The Mail’s editorial policy there.

ChrisBaker, Alton

This just in…… “Peter Odemwingie has been spotted in the Vatican car park.”

Haha. I understand that Cardinal Harry Redknapp is out back in the Pope Mobile doling out bungs.

sean evans

why retire from being the pope when your getting ever closer to god ………..only joking, yea he’s past it, time to step down old man

Hiding behind user names when making shitty comments is one of the true joys of the internet. Sadly, no one seems to have told Sean.

kenkelly

Don’t tell me that the Vatican is responsible for the horsemeat fiasco!

That statement has as much weight behind it as a Findus lasagne’s marketing claim.

Benedict, the placeholder pope who leaves a battered, weakened church

By Andrew Brown, The Guardian

Like The Mail, opinions were divided on The Guardian…

DrJohnZoidberg

fuck me, i’m not religious but some of the comments on here show that there is either ‘light touch’ moderation or they’ve fucked off home altogether…

ZappBrannigan

@Stiffkey –
The level of sheer hatred, much of it informed by nothing more than barely concealed anti catholic bigotry, is rather horrible.
The catholic church is rather horrible. They deserve the hatred.

Are you calling yourself a bigot? (Also, check the Futurama references.)

camouflet

Ah, the placeholder Pope. I remember his first address to the multitudes in St Peters Square: “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur……”

And his first words were ‘Hello World’.

LakerFan

@StevHep – Perhaps, but lately the church has been too busy bombing people in Iraq[…]

I must have missed that in Zero Dark Thirty.

Too tired to go on, Pope Benedict resigns

By Hada Messia and Michael Pearson, CNN

Poltergist  utilitybelt

By the time we are 60. Our kids will be euthanizing us to save cash.

dack maddy  gorillasinthemist 

I used to care about the elderly. Then I realized that they are the ones who caused this mess we see today.

God, which one of the ‘Ns’ in CNN stands for nihilism?

Pope resigns: The pope who was not afraid to say sorry

By Peter Stanford, The Telegraph

paul_collins

Did he say sorry for helping to spread Aids and for protecting child abusers?

Got this reply…

frankkly

[…] Protecting child abusers? You clearly know nothing of which you speak. PILLOCK!! It was Ratzinger who got John Paul II to give the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith to investigate child abuse cases – which had previously been investigated by individual bishops.

Easy lads…

Couple of longer and totally off-topic posts from the L Ron Hubbard stash. Be warned: these comments are like opening up The Simpson’s comic-book guy’s cranium and feasting on the mind juice inside.

Zsolt Hermann

This issue is way bigger than the Catholic Church.
What we are witnessing is the meltdown of our present civilization. […]

Our responsibility is to understand and accept the evolutionary changes in the global, interconnected human society and already start preparing for the next stage where the whole of humanity is perfectly adapted to the state of a single, interconnected, living human organism within the closed and finite natural system.

With the proper preparation the temporary, intermediate phase can be mitigated and shortened, instead of going through a prolonged, unpredictable an violent period.

engineer_sci

The insights Mr. Hermann provides us with are very profound, and very serious. Normally, I would not wish to risk damaging such a serious reality in people’s eyes by taking analogy from fiction. But here I will, with Mr. Hermann’s indulgence, take from what I consider the best of classical science fiction.

I recall the basic theme of Isaac Asimov’s sci-fi classic, the Foundation Trilogy. [The trilogy is a half-century old, but there was a movie version, planned at least a couple of years back I believe, so I presume people have at least heard of it.]

From Hari Seldon’s mathematical science of psychohistory, it was clear that of its own, the dynamics of collapse of the old Empire would lead to a chaotic dark age of untold misery lasting many thousands of years. But there was a way, in a nonpolitical parallel outside of government, to organically develop the mechanisms for establishing a totally new, better civilization which would evolve right into the cracks in the decaying old one. By the plan, the task could be completed within only a thousand years, with a minimum of chaos and suffering.

In a sense (and hopefully in a far reduced scale of time — hopefully within a generation), perhaps this is what we could have here in miniature on our real-world Earth. True, there is no Hari Seldon to develop a psychohistoric plan plan for us. But we have the tendency towards integration in Nature, whose principle seems to have caught up with Humanity once reaching its global boundaries and forced to grow inward in interconnection.

If we but study the pattern and proactively follow it through the development of education and societal values of mutual concern, responsibility and guarantee. If we redefine the
expression of our individuality as complementing as opposed to competing, collaborative rather than cut-throat. If we but will it — it will be!

Whaaa…


The Week’s Best Posts: 4/02/2013 – 10/02/2013

Warrior Queen?

Warrior Queen?

Sometimes there are nuggets of troll-like gold amid sensible, reasonable commentary.

They don’t quite justify their own post, but boy, you want to use them.

With that in mind, we’ve eaten our fibre to compile some of the past week’s best posts that didn’t quite make through the knotty bowels of Comment is Freed.

Lunatic debate rages over The Falkland Islands, there is military ranking armpits and even a pill that can cure divorce.

Read on, o’ lonely troll.

‘No such thing as Falkland islanders’, says Argentine foreign minister

By , The Telegraph

This story, and the one immediately below, relate to Argentinian foreign minister Hector Timerman’s recent visit to the UK. During this visit, he claimed there is ‘no such thing as a Falkland islander’. Needless to say, the forums were ablaze with indignation.

Except this poster:

Stoneyjack

Do not, repeat, do not incite the ire of winsome warrior queen Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner [Argentine president]. She is bold, brilliant, beautiful…and belligerent. You have been warned.

Haha … what?

However, the majority did not seemed too cowed by the warrior queen:

RHeaton57 

Time to boycott Argie goods everybody.

beatriz

Look out of the country of origin especially in fruit.

therealpm

Do they actually make anything?

patrickbateman

Corn Beef. And Lloyd Webber wrote a lovely musical about one of their Dictators wives.

Okay, the musical was awful. If I chuck the record away can I keep the corn beef?

No.

skicarver

if I were a falkland islander, i’d be buying guns and ammo by the truck load.

And some corned beef.

swagger

As much as I love this Sceptred Isle and the plight of the Falklanders concerns me, I know I’m not alone among the DT’s male commentators in wondering what de Kirchner’s like in the sack. Probably ain’t a bad shag, as it happens.

Straight from the Alan Partridge playbook of pulling.

UK ‘disappointed’ as Argentina turns down talks over Falklands

by Julian Borger and agencies, The Guardian

SIRBOBPAISLEY

The Malvinas belong to the democratically elected sovereign state of Argentina – end of story. The ‘aliens’ who are currently decamped on the island should be forcibly repatriated to the UK if they wish to continue living under British rule. To deprive Argentina of their rightful claims to Sovereignty over the Malvinas is an insult to natural justice.

‘Forcibly repatriated’ used in a most un-Guardian like manner.

LivAalborg

The globalist Nazis pulling the strings in Holyrood are the same as the puppet masters in Argentina.

‘Globalist’ gives that extra twist of lizard people.

loutraki

[In response to an Argentinian poster supporting the islanders’ right to self-determination…]

@Nicolas2013 – Nice comment which proves my point: ordinary Argentinians are good people.

Really? They’re not all massive shits? No…

starfield 

There’s a hell of a lot of Thatcherites on this thread! Geographically, if it should be a part of any country, it is Argentina, no question about it. It’s not the right of Falklanders as they are the colonialists who are able to live there because the UK lays claim to the islands. That goes entirely against reason. I would give them back to Argentina in the blink of an eye.
Just because a country occupies land, it doesn’t make it justified that they should rule it. If you think it does, you inadvertantly support Adolf Hitler.
I fully welcome any arguments against this.

Bring it, you de-facto Nazis!

What follows are several comments questioning the historical accuracy of Starfield’s post, before…

starfield

@tokaido – Listen, I take back what I said as you’re right with saying that it didn’t actually belong to Argentina. My apologies to everyone for thinking something that was not correct.
And I’m being serious here. I admit my mistake.

Ouch! Burnt by Wikipedia.

It isn’t those who oppose gay marriage who are the bigots – it is the liberals who demonise them

BY Stephen Glover, The Mail

This week MP’s voted to bring gay marriage into law. Some people, sadly, were not cool with that:

JonnyJV, Surrey

If Tony Blair’s great SIN is the Iraq war. Then David Cameron has committed a greater SIN by force feeding this to the British public. He will never be forgiven.

Gay marriage is clearly worse than leading your country to war on back-of-a-fag-packet intelligence for one poster.

nonpc, UK

Sometimes, a nation goes so far off the moral track that it takes an Augusto Pinochet to get it back on the rails again. Now, I am not condoning some kind of militaristic retaliation. What I am saying is we need a LEADER!!! And the tepid, assinine and moribund bunch of useless politicians who think they know better, currently in Parliament, need their BACKSIDES kicking!!

Maybe nonpc has forgotten that 2279 people lost their lives under Pinochet and a further 31,947 were tortured.

Anon_Wales, Wales, United Kingdom

Liberalism and socialism – the two death knells for Britain today. The plan for the utter destruction of our country is almost complete.

The EU lizard people, in co-operation with the masonic Hungarian-afro-carribean arm of the BBC, have almost achieved their sinister end-game! Nurse, the meds!!

My chemical romance: can medicine cure divorce?

by Will Store, The Guardian

Socratesisinnocent

As ever, the reductionists miss the point, not only of the subject, but of life itself.

We humans experience life, and so to have meaning it has to be life as it is, not life as drugs can make us think and feel it is; that’s an evasion. You might as well hire a hypnotist.
Most people have seen the Matrix. Most people would, I think, choose the red pill. We instinctively understand that although reality can feel at times feel meaningless, it is the only place we may one day experience meaning.

Ah, reduct yourself.

Aside from pseudo-intellectual gobbledegook, there was raw emotion in some of the comments…

Jackanapes 

Can medicine cure divorce? I dunno. Can it cure the rage, grief, shattering disappointment, bitterness and disillusionment caused by infidelity?

Insidian

Can medicine cure divorce?
Only if they’ve discovered an antidote to Cheating Bitch.
(Perhaps the mods will know…? xxx)

You can practically feel the hatred seeping through the monitor.

Can Googling be racist? A Harvard study has found racial bias in Google searches. Yet it’s not the search engine but our own prejudice that’s to blame

by Arwa Mahdawi, The Guardian

mojogoat

Descartes didn’t quite say “Bullshitto ergo sum” either. I’m not on Google, yet I seem to exist all the same.

I call bullshitto.

neithereither

In a reversal of the common prefix ‘Im not racist but…’ This year I shall start to begin my sentences with the phrase ‘I am racist and….’

… a total tool.’

sprockethawk

This comment was removed by a moderator because it didn’t abide by our community standards. Replies may also be deleted. For more detail see our FAQs.

Whatever the above post was, it must have been a sweet comment to get the following response…

@sprockethawk –
My armpit tells me that you are a colonel.

Haha. And my groin tells me you’re the duke.

Family Inc.
Saturday Essay: Run your family like a business

By BRUCE FEILER, The Wall Street Journal

Jerry Stevens Wrote:

The great thing about running your family like a business is that when money is tight, you can just lay off a couple of kids.

Yuppy’s Choice?


Shock discovery: Internet users prefer cats to irons!

imagesRemember Monopoly? Well, they’ve changed it.

Hasbro, the company behind the capitalist home-wrecker, went all internetty and let Facebook users vote for the token they wanted to neuter and the token they wanted to give a home to.

And guess what? The internet likes cats. Sorry iron.

(pssst… if you stay with this post long enough, there are some premo cute cat pictures towards the end.)

Cat’s got the Monopoly! Fans vote to axe board game’s iron token and replace it with a kitten in global Facebook poll

– by Simon Tomlinson, The Mail

*Sound of deep, hoarse breathing* Sorry, need to catch my breath after reading that headline.

MagicMoonBeast, Nottingham, United Kingdom, 6/2/2013 20:48

This is a most pressing matter…

Yes.

Druidor, Newbury, 6/2/2013 20:25

now what token will the wives use.

Dominic, Surrey, United Kingdom, 6/2/2013 14:47

Should have been a washing machine instead of the cat! My wife would love the game then.

Jeez, finding sexist posts on the Mail’s website is as easy as finding masculine disappointment in middle management.

oxfordian, Oxford, United Kingdom, 6/2/2013 17:20

Oh no, a cat (again)!! Do they know that a new study has found that In the United States alone, cats are responsible for killing between 1.4 ¿ 3.7 billion birds and 6.9 ¿ 2.7 billion small mammals a year. Killing machines. There are too many of them.

And the number of deaths attributed to Monopoly figures is?

TimothyQ, Norwich, United Kingdom, 6/2/2013 14:42

The iron has been ditched in favour of a cat, a pet, a luxury. Surely a sign of a more entitled and idle generation. BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE.

BRING BACK SENTENCE CASE!

Man, I wonder how this news is going down across the pond?

Out with the iron, in with the cat: Monopoly has a new token

By Ed Payne and Michael Pearson, CNN

Hard Little Machine • 10 hours ago 

I was hoping for something more urban like a crackpipe.

John Schneider  G_Edwards • 6 hours ago

And, of course, when a child would bring that Monopoly token to school, they would be suspended for the zero tolerance policy to weapons.

Adam Boatz  Hard Little Machine • 9 hours ago

Not sure that A) you’d want kids playing a game with crackpipes, and B) people pursuing millions in real estate would care about crackpipes.
Try to find an urban monopoly game (since there are a gazillion Monopoly variants, I’m sure there is one).

alwayshaveaquestion  Adam Boatz • 7 hours ago

Its called ghetto-opoly. lol. no, really…

Really: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghettopoly

Ginger LaConte • 8 hours ago

WOW….Where are the proofreaders, who ever wrote this article misspelled the name of the game in the title of this article… “Monoply”. WTH.

Good spot, Ginger. But where is the question mark? Has the internet voted the question mark off the island to be replaced by 3>?

(I’ve just Googled ‘3>’. There is no way that that looks like a heart. If I had to guess, I’d say it looked more like a pair of balls in a vice.)

Tim Prescott • 10 hours ago 

Neither the shoe nor the iron should go. They have been there from the very beginning.

The times they are a changing. Plus, Hasbro’s PR department needs mouth-breathers to comment on this story, otherwise they lose a kneecap.

First Last Tim Prescott • 10 hours ago

the iron should go, it is completely outdated

Umm, what do you use to … like … do the ironing? Rub your hands together and press real hard on your clothes?

Dale Bowles • 11 hours ago

The new token should be of Uncle Sam standing with his handout.

gbgentleman  Dale Bowles • 11 hours ago

What? I thought an elephant take a crap would be a better symbol.

To paraphrase the films of Michael Bay, “This shit just got political.”

PatMoe • 2 hours ago

I hate cats. They should only be used as taco meat and never as game pieces.

I wonder in real life (i.e. not in troll wonderland) if PatMoe would eat el gran taco gato.

You’re almost at the cute cat pictures. Not far to go, I swear.

Monopoly can haz [sic] new cat token: Facebook voters replace the iron with a feline

By Nathan Ingraham, The Verge

Whole load of cat [sic] in that headline. Hopefully Ginger’s on the case.

The tone of Verge’s comments can be summed up by the following two posts:

mrsbelpit

[The picture of the Monopoly cat is] so cute I will be buying the new set. Kitties!

KittenAppreciatorUSA

Excellent!

Cats+Internet is working.

10% of all posts can be summed up by the following.

mrsbelpit

Frowning Cat

Okay, picture of a frowning cat. My Facebook feed is full of them.

mondeca 

There was no room to comprimise:

hey-i-am-iron-cat

If you look at the cat’s front paws, it looks like the owner has taped the cat to the iron.

EA575

28160899

I get it! Cats can look mildly miffed, too!


Miriam Margolyes leaves UK for Australia

Miriam Margolyes leaves UKSo you’re a distinguished elder stateswoman of the UK thespian scene. But the calls haven’t been coming in of late and the lime light is starting to dim a little.

What do you do?

Well if you’re actor Miriam Margolyes you do a Gérard Depardieu / Brigitte Bardot number and do-one abroad – specifically, Australia. In the process of emigrating, you denounce the nation that spawned you as a class-ridden cesspool, filled with scum bags who wouldn’t look out of place being ventilated by Liam Neeson in Taken 3.

As one can imagine, this incurred the wrath of the forums.

First a comment from Richard, a troll on the Daily Mail:

Richard, Torrevieja, 28/1/2013 11:09

Who?

Good question. I had to Google Miriam Margolyes myself, after spotting the story had drawn over a thousand comments on the Guardian.

Answer: Actress who appeared in Blackadder.

So how did Margolyes herself describe her new found status:

‘I think I should be described as ‘bi’- not bisexual because I’m not – I’m gay – but ‘binational’ because I retain British nationality and I add to it being Australian, which is like having your cake and eating it.’

And then every other cake in the bakery.

Five reasons to leave Britain

– Victoria Coren, The Guardian

Depressingly, quite a few comments focussed on Coren’s marriage to comedian and fellow columnist David Mitchell.

These came in two flavours: ‘You’re not David Mitchell. I like David Mitchell … I’m secretly afraid of women’ and ‘Did David Mitchell teach you how to write?’. If these passive-aggresive sexist comments had a designer fragrance associated with them, it would probably be called Julian.

Example:

Cussutduck 03 February 2013 2:22pm

Is she trying to be funny like David? David is funny. Where’s he then?
I think this country is pony because it calls itself a member of Europe but none of us can go to mainland Europe without paying quite a lot of money. I would rather live in mainland Europe and feel properly European, or not have to pay all that much to go there.
That’s not meant to be funny.

I hear Belarus is cheap this time of year.

CityGardens 03 February 2013 5:43pm

Earlier today, at 11.34am, I posted a very brief, one-sentence comment here stating simply that I found Victoria Coren’s article superficial and trite and not worthy of The Guardian. My comment received half a dozen recommends . . . and it has now been removed, to be replaced by “This comment has been removed by a moderator.”

Is this the liberal, left-leaning, honest-talking Guardian . . . or a paper now emulating the organs of the Third Reich?
Shame on you, Idiot Guardian Moderator! Shame on you!

An act of moderation causes one mouth-breather to compare a leading investigative newspaper with one of the architects of National Socialism.

Nadia Di Martino 03 February 2013 5:29pm

Five? Only five? I have at least 5 million reasons to give you on why I left Britain. If anybody want to hear them here I am.

I suspect that the five million reasons are actually five million signatories to have this poster removed from the UK.

martinusher 03 February 2013 4:58pm

The depressing thing about modern England is discovering that historically its the norm. Those of us who were born baby boomers, the post WW2 generation, were brought up in a false world, a place which was pretty good and apparently likely to get better.

[More of this kind of ‘insight’ before…]

As for me, I legged it. Most other societies wouldn’t stand for the kind of government that rules England, one that has absolutely no interest in the welfare of its citizens (sorry, “subjects”). That doesn’t mean that everywhere else is better (and the indomitable English character born of putting up with this BS is still very much in evidence) but at least you get a chance.
I blame it on 1066 myself….

I’m sure the people of, say, all the failed states in the world, wouldn’t mind giving the coalition a shot.

monkey999 03 February 2013 2:08pm

I left Britain because I couldn’t stand it about 15 years ago. I came back last year because I couldn’t stand the other country I was living in.
Wherever you go, there you are. Please just learn to stand yourself.

Hehe. You can’t emigrate from yourself: If you were a tool in one country, you’re still going to be a tool in another country.

ozzydave 03 February 2013 12:19pm

been saying it on here for years….get the hell out of dodge. anything short of that is child abuse. yeah, oz has got its faults, but it’s nothing that a decent salary won’t cure. freeeeeedom!

Winner of the hyperbolic comment of the day award! If your not gone in the next sixty seconds, well you might as well be a child molester.

TomReeve 03 February 2013 11:52am

Oh, poor Victoria – are you (privately educated/Oxford graduate), your husband (privately educated/Cambridge graduate) and your friends (mostly privately educated/Oxbridge graduates) sick and tired of hearing about the class system? Does it not seem odd to you that a disproportionately high number of the top jobs in the UK (including journalism, comedy and the arts) are held by people who wear an old school tie?
Odd, but for all your satirical, witty and populist commentary, we don’t hear you commenting about that, do we? I wonder why…

These kind of inferiority-complex comments litter The Guardian’s comment section like half-read Don DeLillo novels in the flats of North London.

Smoore1 03 February 2013 10:15am

The worst things about the UK are

1 To many foreigners
2 The Tory party
3 Political correctness
4 Bean counters masquerading as management

chillisauce 03 February 2013 10:21am

I presume you mean ‘two many foreigners…’

‘W’ is seven characters away from ‘O’ on the keyboard.

Actress Miriam blasts English class system as she becomes an Australian citizen

– By ALASDAIR GLENNIE, The Mail

Jordi, Camden, United Kingdom, 28/1/2013

She’s a very nice person and a brilliant actress, good luck to her, I’d leave this country too if I could, it’s too full of spongers and moaners.

A meta moan?

Ben, Wolverhampton, 28/1/2013 12:17

i don’t care, she’s not a nice lady.

What did she do to Ben? Not return his football when he kicked it into her garden?

shirley1919, brentwood, 28/1/2013 15:17

i sincerely hope she is is not receiving a pension from the UK

That’s just cold.

Lesbian actress Miriam Margolyes becomes Aussie citizen

– Joe Morgan, Gay  Star News

Maybe we should all take note of Terry’s comment on Gay Star News:

Terry Stussy

You’re all just Hateful. This does not affect you in the least. Wish her well and move on.


Oprah Winfrey vs Lance Armstrong: Is Armstrong a terrorist spy? Probably not.

INational hero or the sum of all fears?t used to be you knew who your heroes were. There were no grey areas. There was no ‘organised and systematic doping ring’.

No. They were clean-living, drug-free, cheat-free role models: George Best, George W. Bush and the 1919 Chicago White Sox’s ball team.

All of them. Heroes.

And now what? Our heroes are no worse than Bin Laden himself.

Take Lance Armstrong. Holed up in a cave deep in the Austin foothills, pursued relentlessly by a mono-focussed female persecutor played by Claire Danes, Jessica Chastain, Oprah Winfrey. And finally, to be brought before the American people to … to … to … well to evasively answer a series of questions.

No, it’s not the plot of Homeland season 3 or the sequel to Zero Dark Thirty, it’s a clear and present danger that the forums must answer. The call was for heroism, but did the forums accept the charges?

Lance Armstrong admits doping in Oprah Winfrey interview

– Rory Carroll, The Guardian

ukexpat1000 18 January 2013 1:05 PM

@CaptCrash – I tought my kids that when somebody is exposed as a liar, the only question remains is the extent of their lying. Therefore is anybody is exposed as a liar you should not believe ANYTHING they say.

My kids learnt that the hard way. For the next month after being caught with some minor lie I made them prove anything they said or I would not believe it. For example if they claimed to be doing well at school I told them to get a signed statement from the teachers to that effect. They quickly got the message.

So, Lance, I don’t believe a word you said until you come up with evidence to support it that would pass in a court of law.

Someone call Social Services!

rickylicious 18 January 2013 6:03 AM

I’d like to point out that I was second post on this thread – and I did it drug free! Thank you.

Yuk yuk yuk

TekNoZen 18 January 2013 10:16 AM

[Following a lengthy defence of Armstrong]

To mix my clichés, pedal a mile in Lance’s clip-ons, before you go throwing any rocks. Even with only one, he still has more stones than any of you stinking lot of pious pontificators.

thicko3000 18 January 2013 10:46 AM

@TekNoZen – i wonder if you would suck my eggs?

Yes, but only if you teach me.

greghaddock 18 January 2013 10:30 AM

@James Dismus – Well, the trouble with blogging (or more accurately, posting on forums), is that we end up making assumption based on very short comments. […]

Umm

As for being suspicious of moral outrage, oh yes, I’m with you on that. I’m a bit of a Jungian at heart, so I know a lot about the gratification of shadow projection.  […]

Gratification of what now?

‘I don’t care that Lance doped… He gave people hope’: Controversial Jack Osbourne defends disgraced cyclist Armstrong

– By FEHINTOLA BETIKU, The Mail

Ann Paterson , Edinburgh, United Kingdom, 18/1/2013 15:55

Your talking garbage Jack!!!

Jack, you are garbage. Literally. Living, breathing and for-the-love-of-god talking garbage.

Kathy , Gourock, 18/1/2013 15:47

He cheated, all those who came second should be awarded his medal how any one can defend him puzzles me, cheating his way through all those races for all those years an utter disgrace,

Watertight argument, only those who came first were on drugs.

kikilee, johannesburg, 18/1/2013 10:09

Bernie madoff also gave people hope…

As did Obama … oh, wait … different blog.

itchychris, Sydney, 18/1/2013 10:01

Jack needs to pay more attention to his grammar than to Lance Armstrong. I love how Twitter shows the world what a moron someone is.

A moron says ‘is’.

Lance Armstrong’s body language: an expert analysis

The Telegraph

Dan Hazell

Go burn in Texas. It’s taken a while for someone to overtake Abu Hamza at the top of my list….

Perspective, Dan. Perspective.

globalise

Notice the hand cleaning products and pure liquid in the glasses in the background, as well as the closed box next to him, versus the open bowl next to Oprah. Presumably these were not selected randomly. The message is, “I can’t tell you everything, there are still some secrets, but I am really as pure as the water in this glass, and my hands are clean.”

I’m not even a self-appointed psychology expert and I spotted all that – imagine what I could do with a degree!

Globalise, your powers of deduction are wasted here when there are so many crimes going unsolved.

Guts_An_Glory Today 09:58 AM

He’s got the eyes of a politician.

And the eye of Sauron?

Lance Armstrong Admits to Cheating in Frustrating Oprah Interview

Jordan Sargen, Gawker

TrogdorBurnination

Excellent symbology work by the set designer. Oprah is open and welcoming, like a bowl, while Lance is a box closed tight, full of secrets and drugs!

And what is the hand lotion behind Armstrong meant to symbolise? That Armstrong is one who spanks the monkey, often.


Vladimir Franz: Czech Presidential candidate, tattoo devotee and Morph lookalike.

Vladimir Franz: Suave and Tattooed Not Vladimir Franz

Vladimir Franz, a professor at Prague’s Academy of Performing Arts, is in the running to be president of the Czech Republic. Now Franz stands out a bit as he’s covered head to toe in tattoos, unlike other fuddy-duddy politicians.

And while most of the comments on this story were along the lines of ‘don’t judge a book by its cover,’ there were a couple of nuggets of troll-like gold out on the forums.

Vladimir Franz: tattooed composer polling strongly in the Czech elections

— Guardian (via AP)

JonathanCR 09 January 2013 

For some reason I’m reminded of when, as a child, I attempted to make my own Morph by rolling all the different colours of plasticine together and fashioning them into a vaguely human form.

Vladimir Franz’s tattoos inspires one Guardian reader to reminisce over their childhood.

CannyRogue 09 January 2013

And, perhaps surprisingly, few take issue with his tattoos.
Unlike many people here at the Guardian. Could you please explain, editors, why you felt the need to report at length on this? Let me guess – to get the anti-tattoo posse to post 1,000 comments to prove how popular your paper is to advertisers.

Passive-aggressive comments asking editors to explain themselves: scourge of the Guardian forums and enemy of the anti-tattoo posse.

Altarboy 09 January 2013 

@NickClegg
Ink yourself up like this and you may find yourself back in the game.

Gah… If only my Photoshop skills were better.

Poit 09 January 2013 2:53 PM

All politicians should tattoo their faces according to character. For example Cameron’s should be the face of a goblin king, Osborne’s that of an Igor-like minion, and Clegg’s should have been Doctor Jekyll before the election, to be redone as Mr Hyde the moment the poll results came in.

And I think Ed Miliband should be Cathy from Wuthering Heights.

Saltycdogg 09 January 2013 11:35 PM

If Earth manages to get a seat at the Galactic Senate we’ll need more people who looks like this to represent us if we’re not to look too boring as a planet.

The last thing I saw featuring a Galactic Senate droned on about taxes for several hours, before a woman in her late teens hit on an eight-year-old boy.

PlayUpBarnstoneworth 09 January 2013 2:23 PM

“no political experience and confesses to little knowledge of economics”.

Seems like he’s already setting an example to the UK’s vainglorious toff overlords.

Who are overseen by the Galactic Senate. It’s time our ‘vainglorious overlords’ renegotiated Earth’s relationship with the Galactic Senate and repatriated our powers!

Totally tattooed professor nicknamed Avatar is now THIRD in race to be Czech president

— Sara Malm, The Mail

Felicity Fortune, MerryoldEnglandshire, 9/1/2013 17:23

His choice to cover himself in tattoos is of no relevance to his ability to lead. Looking like a traditional politician is no indication of honesty or ability to lead. At least this chap is intelligent, I’d take that as a good start, considering our opposition is led by Beaker from the Muppets.

AKA Labour Leader Ed Milliband

Louis , London, 09/1/2013 22:36

His got a pair of bo@@cks on his chin!

@@s makes your post look it has bollocks.

– bostonrepubguy,

At least he can probably prove where he was born.

Let it go.

Lizard, Florence, 9/1/2013 16:53

Satan is alive and well … and driving the world deeper into madness by the day.

That’s one way to describe the democratic process.

Vladimir Franz, Heavily Tattooed Presidential Candidate, Lights Up Czech Election

— Karel Janicek, Huffington Post (via AP)

Applejacks971

[In response to a comment in the article regarding Vladimir Franz’s appeal to a young audience who cannot vote.]

Their in high school, many probably don’t have jobs, and still living with mom and dad. What do you mean ‘no longer identify to existing parties’??? Kids have NO clue what’s going on in life or the world. They don’t have any experience in life or the job market yet to know what’s going on in the world or to be able to have a just opinion about it. Until you’re a legal adult, your ‘opinion’ doesn’t count. This is why you can’t vote until your a certain age, point proven

Yeah, kids. Why don’t you f-off while us grown-ups spend hours sharing our well thought out and rationale ‘opinions’ on internet forums?!!


Piers Morgan argues with leading pacifist Alex Jones on CNN

Piers Morgan might want to reconsider who he invites on his CNN talk show following the tirade he received from last night’s guest, radio-show host Alex Jones.

The Texan shock-jock delivered a one-sided rant  speech encompassing everything from ‘suicide-murder pills’ to gun control, through to a surreal impersonation of ‘red coat’ Morgan’s accent, before warning the erstwhile Britain’s Got Talent presenter against ‘trying what your ancestors did before’.

Surely mana for trolls on both sides of the debate?

Deport Piers Morgan founder rants in face of his nemesis

The Guardian

swindonabroad 08 January 2013 4:50 AM

I just went to Google images to see who Alex Jones was.
When you just search with the term ‘Alex Jones’ you get many images of a dark haired lady.

I altered my search term to ‘Alex Jones wanker’.

Found him

Googling ‘Swindon wanker’ gets you: ‘Swindon Wankers: A place for local swindon straight and bi guys to meet and wank together’.

cazzo0 8 January 2013 5:57 AM

Isn’t this the pot lambasting the colour of the kettle? In the US, you get Alex Jones and the gun lobby. In Britain you get The Daily Mail and Melanie Phillips, The Sun and The Daily Express. And fifty million people watch East Enders, Coronation Street, Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor. Clearly there is often a shortage of brain material on both sides of the Atlantic.

The parallels are obvious: Sitting in the Queen Vic, Peggy Mitchell and Dot Cotton plot the overthrow of the liberal bourgeois, while Phil Mitchell sups pints of malty revolution.

View Alex Jones’ full rant at Morgan

Piers Morgan, radio host who wants him deported face off

— Staff, CNN

Guest to dynamo61 • 7 hours ago

Willful ignorance is one of the biggest threats to democracy. To suggest that a potential schizophrenic such as Alex Jones provides any type of “real” or “truthful” information is beyond appalling.

Jason Martin to Guest

F. U. I am a real adult. If by any chance you are a real psycologist you can’not diagnose Mr. Jones based on a TV interview.

Easy Pinocchio.

Pro-Gun Advocate Alex Jones Goes Completely Berserk On Piers Morgan’s Show: ‘1776 Will Commence Again!’

— Brett LoGiurato, Business Insider

REdiculous on Jan 7, 10:01 PM said:

Liberals are a bunch of yssup’s!!!

Liberals wear white briefs underwear.

Do conservatives wear these then?

WOW on Jan 7, 10:43 PM said:

Wow. The paranoia is at an all time high.

…..suicide mass murder pills…..

WOW, YOU GUYS ARE NUTS.

Prisonplanet.com on Jan 7, 10:47 PM said:

@WOW: Not nuts, just awake… You are asleep… they TELL you that their pills DO that to you in the freakin COMMERCIAL! Yet you zombies all go to big Pharma and get your meds!

I remember those commercials…

Husband: Jeez, this cold. Honey, I don’t think I’m going to make it into work today.
Wife: Oh dear. Here sugar, take one of these ‘suicide-mass-murder pills’. You’ll feel right as rain.

Armed Mafia Stalk Alex Jones Post Piers Morgan Debate: Video Report

Infowars.com

Anonymous says: January 8, 2013 at 1:49 am

Good Job!!! You looked like a really pissed off sheepdog protecting the flock.

Classic BBC show One Man and his Dog becomes One Man and his Conservative.

Arm Yourself says: January 8, 2013 at 3:06 am

LOL..GO BACK TO WHERE THEY TOOK THE GUNS IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT!!…LOLOL

SERIOUSLY! YOU MAY NOT GET SHOT IN ENGLAND,BUT A KNIFE IN YOUR ASS BECAUSE YOU CANNOT DEFEND YOURSEF IS HIGHLY LIKELY!!

Daily occurrence. I wear special underwear to protect my ‘ass’ whenever I leave the house.

dznutz says: January 8, 2013 at 2:13 am

GREAT JOB ALEX!!!!! GETTING KNEE DEEP IN THAT RED COATS ASS!!! I can understand how pissed off you were today after all the hell at the airport. All I can say is that I’m right behind you and stand firm for our rights!

Up to your knees in Piers Morgan’s ass? Awful mental image.

Anonymous says: January 8, 2013 at 2:48 am

LEX CALLS THEM “FACTOIDS.” PIERS REPEATS A STATISTIC, WITHOUT ARTICULATING THE MEANINGFUL CONNECTION TO THE ISSUE AT HAND, AND ACTS AS IF HE HAS SAID SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. BUT HE HAS ONLY SAID SOMETHING THAT MEANS SOMETHING IN THE BAREST LINGUISTIC SENSE, AGAIN, BECAUSE NO MEANINGFUL CONNECTION TO THE ISSUE IS ARTICULATED. PIERS PASSES OFF A MEANING WITH NO MEANINGFUL CONNECTION, THAT IS, SOMETHING MEANING-LESS, AS MEANINGFUL. HE KNOWS THAT ONE CONCEIVES WHAT IS MEANINGFUL ONLY WITH DIFFICULTY, SUCH THAT HE WHO IS INCAPABLE OF CONCEIVING IT WITHOUT INTELLECTUAL ASSISTANCE MIGHT TAKE THE MEANING-LESS FOR THE MEANINGFUL. HE KNOWS THAT MANY PEOPLE CAN CONCEIVE MEANING ONLY IN THE MOST RUDIMENTARY LINGUISTIC SENSE, AND THUS WON’T BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH THE TRULY MEANINGFUL FROM THE MEANING-LESS. PIERS KNOWS ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS EMPLOY HIS MEANING-LESS-NESS AND HE IS SURE TO INFLUENCE THE UNTRAINED MIND. HE PRACTICES HIS INSIDIOUS INFLUENCE ON MINDS THAT, UNABLE CONCEIVE THE MEANINGFUL ON THEIR OWN, SLEEP. THIS IS WHERE ALEX COMES IN. ALEX KNOWS THAT PIERS’ SPEECH IS MEANING-LESS, KNOWS THAT IT IS JUST A KIND OF ANIMAL NOISE MADE TO DISRUPT MEANINGFUL DISCOURSE. HIS INTELLECTUAL INSTINCT WON’T ALLOW HIM TO IGNORE THE DISRUPTION OF TRUE DISCOURSE BY ANIMAL NOISE, SO HE RESPONDS WITH HUMAN NOISE. HUMAN NOISE IS WHAT IS MADE BY A MAN WHO MEANS WHAT HE SAYS. HE MEANS WHAT HE SAYS IN BEING THE MEANINGFUL CONNECTION, TO THE ISSUE AT HAND, OF HIS MEANINGS UNDERSTOOD IN THE BAREST LINGUISTIC SENSE, THE MEANINGFUL CONNECTION OF WHAT WOULD OTHERWISE BE JUST ANIMAL NOISES. TO BE THIS MEANINGFUL CONNECTION IS TO DO MORE THAN RESPOND RATIONALLY AND CONVINCINGLY TO A SPECIOUS ARGUMENT, TO DO MORE THAN “MAKE PERFECT SENSE,” AS BOTH LARRY PRATT, JESSE VENTURA, AND OTHERS HAVE DONE WITH PIERS. IT IS TO BECOME A MEANINGFUL IMAGE, THE VISIBLE EMBODIMENT OF THE TRUTH, AND THUS TO ROUSE THE UNTRAINED MIND FROM ITS MEANING-LESS DREAM WITH MEANINGFUL OPTICAL STIMULATION.

If you stare at this post for long enough, it becomes hypnotic. As for Piers Morgan’s ‘animal noise’, did you not see the video?