First Official Portrait of Newest Royal Kate “DoC” Middleton Unveiled

It’s been a busy start to 2013 for Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton: first it was announced that the young couple are about to make that ever-tricky first step on the palace-ladder; Kate then celebrated her 31st birthday; and, now, her first official royal portrait has been unveiled at the National Portrait Gallery.

Artist Paul Emsley seems to have done a beautiful job of capturing that ethereal and seductive ‘come-hither’ look that will emerge in those magical – if fleeting – moments between finishing the seventh can of Tennent’s Super and soiling oneself.

The Duchess loves it; ‘art’ ‘critics’ hate it; but what does the Internet think?

(As an aside, the third most common google search term for Kate Middleton is ‘kate middleton bottomless’ – fascinating. Kate Middleton bottomless.)

The Daily Mail

‘Fortunately, she looks nothing like that in real life’: ‘Rotten’ first official portrait of the Duchess of Cambridge by artist Paul Emsley is unveiled

Painting is sure to be divisive – but Kate is said to be ‘thrilled’ with it
The Duchess is shown grimacing rather than smiling
Hair has a coppery tinge and there are shadows and lines under her eyes
Artist wanted to capture her ‘charm, serenity and intelligence’

Rebecca English | full article

How far along is Kate exactly in her pregnancy? she doesnt look it at all?!
– JoelsSnowflake, Luton, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:49

Yeah, how come I can’t see the baby growing on her face?

Bad Feng Shui to have dark background portrait because it will makes situation from possible bad luck to actually coming true so that is why you see many renown chinese ancestors portrait doesn’t have dark background. So please have it destroy as we don’t want anything bad happen to our future monarchy.
– Alex Lee, Thurnsceo, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:47

I had some bad Feng Shui once… not pretty.

Very good, just like every women when she wakes up

– Ali, London, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:47

… in my basement when the roofies wear off.

that is an awful painting. Tthe Duchess is so young and beautiful but the painting makes her look like a middle aged old woman with rediculously young looking hair !!
– Arthur, London, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:42

Young. Looking. Hair.

Well done .its a masterpiece if people don’t like it ,its because their jealous .and its from somebody who has drawn the last supper me . Daniel Heafey

– steelback2, glasgow, 11/1/2013 12:37

What exactly are your credentials to judge this painting Mr Heafey? … Oh, that. OK.

Waity is “thrilled” by anything, because it’s always free. The picture shows her small eyes and naff brows. It is soft focus, vague and bland – just like the sitter.

– Citizen not subject, London, 11/1/2013 13:02

Yeah, those brows are so not ‘with-it’.

It looks more like a younger Edwina Currie to me.

– Guinevere, London, 11/1/2013 13:00

Three little words to make anyone shudder.

who cares as long as it is not printed on our Penny’s

– Robert Abdul-Ali, London for now, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:55

Our Penny’s what?

It would have worked if she had been in characteristic pose with her teeth sowing which are one of her best and most distinctive features. Here the artists has somehow managed not to notice that and as a result her face looks fuller.
– Pass the Dynamite, London, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 12:54

That’s it – needs more teeth.

The artist has perfectly captured her charm, serenity and intelligence, it is clear from the painting that there isn’t any. A perfect rendition of our princess, all that’s missing is a hand begging for cash.

– bph1964, glasgow, 11/1/2013 12:10

Oh, sarcasm. Nice.

I have to agree, this picture is just awful. It ages her terribly. And as for Brian Sewell, he himself is ¿disgusting, distasteful, sickening and repulsive ¿ and an offence to both painting and portraiture.¿!

– John, Luxembourg, 11/1/2013 12:31

At least he’s got a better line in adjectives.

My grandaughter who is 3yr s could do a better”portrait” in crayons and could after 3 glasses of good red wine-pathetic-it should be binned,looks nothing like Kate

– rainman, casino, United States Minor Outlying Islands, 11/1/2013 13:28

Sounds like someone’s 3-year-old granddaughter really knows how to party!

Utterly ghastly at least it shows her real skin without all the make up and fillers. P.s. if she’s pregnant I’ll eat my hat. The windsors trying to fool everyone again with their smoke and mirrors. And William looks miserable around her!

– Bella, London, United Kingdom, 11/1/2013 13:30

Another Royal family fake pregnancy scandal? Have they learned nothing?!

it’s hortid
– kedge, Hartlepool, 11/1/2013 13:22

Splentid!

Over to the Guardian…

The Guardian

Duchess of Cambridge delights at first official portrait

Press Association | full article

SantaMuerte
11 January 2013 11:06 AM

She looks like she’s trying not to say something naughty.
Something like…..”I’ve just married my way into a virtually unlimited Tax Payer funded expenses account”…

Oh, Guardian.

robodog
11 January 2013 10:57 AM

It is just awful. But then again, as an artist, I wouldn’t find Kate Middleton an interesting subject for my art, unless I was a satirist maybe, so maybe that’s why. They should have asked Jeff Koons so that he could have portrayed her and William as the kitsch in human form that they are.

As a doctor, I would recommend you remove your dangerously swollen head from your bottom.

fecalcameron
11 January 2013 11:47 AM

Yeah, don’t get it, take away the expensive wardrobe and layers of make up and she’s no Elizabeth Taylor. All pointy features and thin lips and wardrobe of a 40 year old, maybe she look better if she dropped the malnourished boy look. Looks like the same fawning attitude that lead to very average, slightly manly looking Diana being considered beautiful, I mean come on…

I think this kind of comment might be part of the reason why people develop eating disorders.

EvilDave

11 January 2013 11:10 AM

She looks like she’s having an allergic reaction to some peanuts. Which is precisely what this portrait should be worth.

Zing!

cheveguara
11 January 2013 11:13 AM

Duchess of Cambridge my arse, what a load of shit all this royalty is.

Sounds funnier in a Yorkshire accent.

MombasaSixtyNine
11 January 2013 11:11 AM

Looks more like Fergie in that painting.

I don’t know – maybe if you imagine some thick glasses, a touch more red on the nose and cheeks, that boyish twinkle in the eye… oh, wait, I see.

KathrynDobinson
11 January 2013 11:21 AM

Snort. I know my eyesight is poor…but…what.Last time I looked K-Middy wasn’t grey and aged.

…K-Middy…

No.

fjpuente
11 January 2013 11:32 AM

What a horror it looks like a haunted dog.

Beautiful.